I am currently on fluoxetine or more commonly known as Prozac. I have had side effects, blurred vision, sleeping a lot more and feeling incredibly sick at the beginning. I was originally on a low dose but something happened and they had to make the dosage higher.
Anyhow, today has not been the best of days for me. I have been asleep half the day because I have basically felt dead and I have not wanted to live today. I refused to get up and my mum started getting mad at me before she realised there was something wrong with me.
So she literally made me go into her room and sit and watch a movie with her.
That made me feel slightly better. My mum has been there with me throughout my problems (which I am not ready to say yet) and I could not be more grateful. However, I also guess- well know I am feeling better because I have things to look forward too.
For example, I am finally going to be meeting my girlfriend (Rebekkah) on the 1st of June and I am literally buzzing. Today had been quite bad as well as other days, and getting a simple text from her will literally brighten my day up. It could be the simplest text how are you and I am fine the next minute.
I also have started performing arts again and I feel wonderful about that. I am so excited to start at Suffolk New to do performing arts and hopefully get into LAMDA. (London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts). Plus my college, does a LAMDA test and is in association with them. Which blows my mind cause I managed to get into it! (It is the drama school Benedict Cumberbatch went too).
Another big factor would be the fact I may be meeting Andrew Scott- yeah to people it probably lame but it means a hell of a ton to me. Why? Because when I was needing help and the doctors refused to give me help and I felt like giving up completely, my cousin went and met him. He then signed something for me and said hello. On that day I was very close to do something very silly and then that woke me up and made me realise I have got to do something.
From April the 26th (I will always remember this day) the only thing that kept me going was the thought that I could possibly meet him. It stopped me from doing stupid stuff to myself and forcing me to get help. Then when I told my family I was not going to do wildlife conservation and do acting, (I did not have the full support at the beginning, I was left to do everything). I realise I actually have a flipping purpose now. I don't care if I don't become famous. AS long as I am doing what I love, I am happy. Then I met Rebekkah and started going out with her and I don't think I have felt happier with someone. Well, I actually have never been happier with someone. She has has helped me as much as the actor has helped me. (Does that make sense? I hope so, i think I was trying to put they are both really important to me and my mum of course!).
You could actually say this blog is dedicated to my mum, Rebekkah, Andrew Scott (that sounds so weird) and me following my dreams.
I think people do not realise but you can't dedicate yourself to other people, if you can't dedicate yourself to yourself. You are never going to be happy if you can't accept yourself.
There is no stigma over having a mental health disorder. When I was having bad thoughts and everything, I always thought it was someone else in me, but I had to learn it was me having these thoughts and that I had a mental health issue. I have depression and anxiety, and it takes time to even accept that. Getting help does not mean you are weak, it means you are strong and need a helping hand to get better.
Once I started to accept myself, that is when good things started to happen. Why? Because I started doing things for myself. I started meeting new people. I started telling people I did not want my life to go that way and started going in another way.
Might have to do a blog on schools and how unhelpful they are with career advice. (if you need help with career advice email me. mollymariesnape@gmail.com and I will try to help as best as I can)
Right think that is enough for today!
Do not forget to follow by email!
(Here is an LGBT unicorn vomiting rainbows)
No comments:
Post a Comment