Reflection time

Hey there guys- in the last month or so, I have decided that it is time to talk about the things i have learnt about myself or important life lessons really.

So the first major one would be about, Northgate. I learnt pretty quickly that during year 12, I was not going to be a wildlife conservationist. I did not enjoy science and I did not understand it. I thought I had to arry it on because my mother wanted me too and I gave up on my dream of doing acting. I was not happy and I was depressed as hell thinking I was only fit for something I hated. However, October came around I soon started to realize (when I reached year 13) that I needed to do something for myself and not for others. So I went to do drama and it was the best choice I have made in a very long time. I guess my answer to this is- do what you love and never doubt yourself at what you love. People will turn their head and realize if you are happy-then they should be for you too.

I also came out last October. It will be a year next month since I came out to everyone. What have I learned in the past year? That there is always going to be people going to judge you- but why should I let their ignorance affect me? Who I love, does not affect them and it will continue to not affect them. I also learnt, that I need to accept myself for who I am and stop trying to be someone other than I am. I am at the happiest I have ever been in my life.

Two years ago- I had a dream. A dream that, kept me basically from killing myself or anything. I told myself two years ago when I was going through shit with the police not believing me and getting help from no one- I would meet Andrew Scott or at least gave myself a goal to keep myself from doing anything harmful to myself. When you g through something that is horrendous and decays the very person you are, you do not think there is anything left for you on this planet. I knew I had to keep myself alive because I could not hurt my family and the way i done it was by latching onto the hope and idea I would go to Sherlocked and meet this man. It mainly came around because he said hello to me and signed something for me and I told myself I needed to say thank you. (Thank you to me means more much in this case than saying thanks for a signed photo). Now this Saturday I can finally say that I am free of my demons and I am going to say this thank to this man. SO do not give up on your ideas or hopes or dreams. They will come to you eventually.

What else should I reflect on? Maybe how I went from a girl who could not say hello to anyone at school and having no friends- to a girl who now has a whole class full of friends and to a person who is vibrant and confident. I was given a bit of advice by Amanda Abbington which, I do pass onto others because it helped me a lot. When i met her a year ago, I said I was nervous she told me: "Take a deep breath and go for it. Can apply for anything in life actually." I actually use this for anything now and...well it got me into the best college for performing arts who is partnership with LAMDA and into a drama group that helped me sing in front of 45,000 people. SO thank you to her as well. (next goal to say thanks to her)

My point is this: whatever life throws at you, it will get better. I promise. I know this better than anyone and I do not say things for the sake of saying things. I said this because I know some people will feel like they need to end their life and stop everything but if they could hear from a person- who knows- god I know how it feels to get to the point of the end and wonder: What the hell is my point of living if nothing ever goes right? Why does no one take to me? I promise- I promise so much that it will turn around. It will only turn around if you tell yourself you an do this and make it happen.

It took me two years to realize the good things that were happening to me- where because I made them happen. It was not fate- it was because I wanted them.

I hope this helps someone.

-Jim