Anyhow, I thought you lot deserved an explanation of where Jim has been.
I have been what you would bed ridden. Not because I was throwing up or coughing my guts up but because I thought I generally could not get out of bed and stand to face the day. Yes I became very depressed. It was very difficult for me to move, to even think straight and to even say hello to my friends or go anywhere.
So I could not keep you lot updated on this blog. I wanted to bog but could not find the energy to pick up my laptop and write the words in my mind. The words I had circling in my mind, made no sense. I had fallen into a very black hole- meaning I had to go back to more counselling. This counselling was not at 4yp but at a place called Suffolk Rape Crisis.
I am not about to go into details of why I am there and nor will I answer question relating to why I am there. That is my personal business.
It is the first time I have come out and said this on the internet, about where I am going. As you guys know or don't, I had police involvement in something for two years. It got no where. I ended up in a very bad state and having no believe me, expect my family. This then lead to me having a break down two months ago.
Two years I had been dealing with 'shit'. Shit is not the term for this and I only just got put on anti-depressants in April. I thought I was getting better but however, in July I had a melt down and thought I was worthless..etc.
It was not a great time as I struggled to literally do anything. It got to my birthday and I had a fantastic time and it was wonderful but I dropped again after and realized I did not have the energy to post anything about my birthday.
In August, nothing really happened and then came around the 5th of September. I had enrolled at Suffolk New and lets say- my photo I look like a tomato. I had been very stressed that day and I was very nervous at starting my first do performing arts when I originally could not speak to anyone.
Huh.
That changed as soon as I got into the class- I became very loud and would not stop smiling. No one could really understand how or why I was the happiest person alive and why I felt as if I was finally doing the right thing. I had thoughts of wanting to harm and kill myself before and now- it seemed like my life was changing for the better.
A week later on the next Monday, I still felt this amazing high.
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AOMFOI:sfiUBFBKF
Mum: What the fuck is wrong with Molly? (She was on the phone to her boyfriend)
Me: HOLY SHIT AHDHDHDHDK;JB'OG'ln'lng
Mum:Sorry i have to check my daughter isn't getting murdered.
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mum: Fucking hell shut up! (Opens living room door) What the bloody hell are you doing? Are you practicing for a character or something?
Me: (POinting at my laptop and jumping off the walls at the same time. I ended up running around the living room screaming) LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!
Mum: Jim! Shut up and sit down and tell me what is wrong!
Me: Wrong?! LOOOK! I am so happy!!!!!
Mum: Oh....this is you happy? What the- oh. God dam I feel sorry for that man.
Me: PLEASE GET ME THE TICKET I AM GONNA DIE OTHERWISE!n Actually dying means I would not get the ticket...so please can you get me the ticket?
Mum: Yeah. Clearly I have no choice.
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
When my mum looked at my laptop screen with me screaming my head off and jumping up and down she kind of looked at me and realised why I was so happy and just bonkers basically.
It turned out Andrew Scott was going to Sherlocked the same day as me and I went slightly metal.
SO now I am going to meet the man on the 24th of September and CHRIST I AM NERVOUS! I do not want to go on my own but I don't have much choice.
Yes obviously i will be vlogging this day and sorry- you will be deaf from the youtube video.
So yes- that is the update on my life right now. Nothing more interesting to say- a rant however is coming.
-Jim
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