The ruins of me (Part one)

This is my book I am writing.  So please do comment or send me an email: mollymariesnape@gmail.com . I need the feed back on how this is going. 

Introduction

 When we see something beautiful, we freeze the moment and try to commit that very moment to our brain. We want to remember how it felt to feel so light and carefree and happy. We want to remember that moment.

 When we see something horrifying or experience something horrifying, we try our dam hardest to forget about it.

However, we cannot forget.

 The more we try to remember the beautiful moments, the harder it becomes to remember those moments; till eventually we do not remember them at all.

The more we try to forget the horrible and horrifying experience, the more we remember and the more it hurts us.

 Both contradict each other.

 Our minds are strange but beautiful things. Words can barely described a mind and all the thoughts and emotions it feels. The things we see through our eyes or the things we experience and feel.

Our minds are our most precious gift.

The mind to me, is my soul.

  The point of this is, the mind focuses more on pain and suffering than on the beautiful and honest moments.

Why, you ask? I don’t know the psychological answer to this question but from personal experience, it is easier to remember the pain and suffering because we let it traumatize us and act like it happened to another person. We try to block it, making that moment(s) so much stronger and worse. Thus, creating a spiral of horror and trying to stop the memories every waking moment.

 I know this because...well...You will see why.

 You are not about to read a story that is full of happiness or going to have a happy ending. Well...the end of my story might have a happy ending. I don’t know.

 This story...it isn’t amazing.

This story is not spectacular, where you want to be me.

This story is horrible and full of thoughts of someone who doesn’t know what to do with their life and has to try and save them self- while others tell them to stop.

This story is horrible.

 So don’t read this story expecting their to be a prince in shining armour or some other goddam fairy tale!

 This is story is about me and the ruins I was left in!

Can you read that?

So every Saturday I will be updating my blog with a new part of my book. It is essential I get feedback on this book because this is the reason I started this blog. Please either email me at the email address shown above, comment or message me on Instagram: @obsession_over_fandoms_islife Also feel free to follow me and message me if you just want to chat. :) Also email!

Memory box (part one)

As I was stumbling around my room I came across a little black and red box. An old perfume box.

I realised then I had to blog about the memory box I kept hidden from everyone I knew. 

There are some things you should know about this memory box: From finding my first Sherlock Holmes book in year seven to when I was sixteen and getting a badge thrown at me. This memory box is sacred to me. 

The first story I would like to tell about my memory box is about a high school in Basildon called De La Salle High School and Language College. I had a fantastic time in this high school from reading in the library to finding great friends and finding my true self. But I want to particular draw everyones attention to the book that says: 'The adventure of the speckled band'. 

As you probably gathered this is a Sherlock Holmes book. This copy is from when I started on my first day in High School. Year seven. My English teacher at the time, told us we would be reading this. I remember being very happy about the thought. After I read this book, I never stopped thinking about it. It was the first real classic book I had ever read and it was so very interesting. So I kept it years later.

In the first picture you will see a blue book with a 'dark mark' that looks like this;

At the time I was leaving year 11 I had a obsession over the performance A Very Potter Musical by Starkid on Youtube I thought it was the best thing ever- I hated musicals at that point. Anyhow, I had a unhealthy obsession and over tried Vines because of it. (Don't try them. They are disgusting. Taste like cough medicine with vinegar). So I drew this on a small book that people could write in. I took a picture of some of the things people said.

So The first on the left at the top says: Keep Reading Mollie, you are a proflic reader..." I cannot read the rest because the headteacher had messy hand writing. (Sorry!) The one underneath says: "It has been a pleasure to teach you. All the best for your future and remember whatever you decide to do- ENJOY IT!" I don't think I could agree more. Then a teacher signed my book with the batman symbol. This teacher hd a high pitched voice and could do a really deep voice. It was kinda scary.
I cant read the one in top right hand corner and the bottom one says: "To Molly-moo..." I can't read that also. I am in my mums room and cant be asked to find the booklet- anyway my point is. I had a great time at this school and I miss it. I wish I had not left that school and I wish they had created a sixth form.

On the first picture you can also see a gold mirror and gold ticket- prom stuff.
So in the next one, it will be about my first comic con and showing off some stuff. so don't forget to read that! (be much better than this one)

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LGSM- Lesbians and Gays Support The Miners

Lesbians and Gays support the miners

 I think it is important, not just for me but for everyone, to actually know who these people are. Not only does it affect my personal history being a lesbian but it effects everyone's personal history.

 Right. I should probably explain who these people are.

The group was formed in July of 1984. as you now there was a miners strike from 1984 to 1985. (I am getting this information of the website). There is two founding members of the LGSM group this is Mark Ashton and Mike Jackson. (Mark is first then Mike)

They basically started off collecting money in buckets and soon were able to raise more awareness for the miners. At first there was 11 people involved and at the end there was sixty people. The London LGSM managed to create links with the South Wales mining communities and donated funds to people Nottinghamshire-women's support group. The money mainly came from standing outside gay pubs, clubs and The Gay's the word bookshop. (My goal is to find this place in my life. Must create a bucket list).

One of the biggest fundraising events they had was called 'Pits and Perverts'. Why was this called Pits and Perverts? Pits= miners. Perverts=Gays. People do actually call LGBT+ people perverts. This was held in the London Electric Ballroom on the 10th of December in 1984. They managed to raise £5650.

You have a bit of a overview about who they were. Mark Ashton said this: (also from the website)

It's quite illogical to say ‘I’m gay and I’m into defending the gay community but I don’t care about anything else.’ It’s important that if you're defending communities, you’re defending all communities and not just one.


What does this mean to me and the movie Pride?

This has a ton of meaning to me. When I was first came out, I generally did not feel like anyone or anything would listen to me. No one would care. That I was alone and I was being stupid. That I was straight. That I had to follow society. 

I never thought coming out, as the biggest thing I had ever done in my life till recently. 

I am in a really happy relationship and I have never been in one like that before. I have never felt something lift off my shoulders or felt like I have a  place in this world. I have always felt the odd one out and the one who won't be able to a lick of good. 

But since I found the movie Pride, I found that I actually did have a place in this world. I know how stupid that sounds but when I first saw it: I had not come out. I had never mentioned this movie to my mum because...When I look back at it now. I never asked to see this movie because I knew I was a lesbian and I was terrified my mother was going to shout or something at me. After I watched this and I heard my mother tell me stories how she had given them money and remembers seeing them in London...I then came out as a lesbian. 

I also watched this movie in the first place because my favourite actor is in it. Andrew Scott. I wanted to see what it was like but yes the other reason was because I did not want to see how my other would react. Which is stupid because she knows half my family are gay and she doesn't care. She is not homophobic so why I had a problem with it...I will never know. 

But if it wasn't for Mark Ashton or those people, we would still have to fight for out rights and other peoples rights. If there is anyone I would want to meet and say thank you too, it is Mark Ashton an Mike Jackson. I don't think I will be more grateful to other people than these people for standing up for people and I hope one day I can be like that. 

The Name Written In Blood

Catherine Anderson Reed: Silence. That thick oppressing silence! The kind that makes you want to say something but you know- you know anything you say will doing nothing to cut and break and twist that silence. The kind of silence that suffocates you!

That is the silence I felt when I stood in that FOREST! The forest was dark brown decaying skeleton of leaves and bony black branches twisting towards me and entwining around my neck like a damn noose. Is this my execution?  My time of reckoning? The darkness has claimed my soul!  My soul I say!! (Cue manic laughter)

It claimed my very soul that night and by the Gods did it feel good!!! But- BUT! I remember laughing with so much wrongful glee and brilliance at the thought of being so utterly   tormented! That suddenly I stopped and- AHHHHHH!!!! (scream)

(Clutches head in despair and looks up with madness in the eyes) I could hear someone. A zombie like moan... It was a whisper at first but then it grew and GREW!! (Voice must go from low to rising fear and madness) THEN SHE CAME FOR ME!   (Must go up to an audience member) Hands stretched towards me bloody and dirt ridden….Twisted and gnarled fingers…Long bloody cuts up her arms as if someone had raked their fingers up her arms.

My legs pounded on that soft and terrible- horrendous and cursed ground. For under my feet were the bones of my sweet and innocent victims.  I saw HER! She came at me like a wild fire screaming with burning eyes! She was nothing! She was no one! I was everything! I AM EVERYTHING!

I didn’t shut up as I ran from her- she was chasing me! I kept speaking! I KEPT SPEAKING! I flicked back and forth going: “Don’t speak you stupid girl! BUT I NEED TO HEAR A VOICE!”  ( fall to the floor screaming and crying. Then stop instantly and smile manically). I was like the whirl wind! I was the madness! I was the brilliance! I was dancing on their graves! (Clip heels together. Remember to use levels). I was the king or Queen- whatever you want to call me. I owned them! Hahahahaha!!!

(Must stop dramatically and look disgusted. Also look around wildly). Then she stopped. The silence came hurtling towards me with the pungent smell of death.

Silence. Silence. Silence. SILENCE! (flick back and forth in high pitched and deep tones. Also a dark expression and hand movements are needed).

I should have DISAPPEARED! (Shout). I should have saved myself! I SHOULD HAVE! Before me was a broken tree with burnt but out limbs stretching towards a cast iron sky. A grim reaper’s  axe carved into the side of a tree! Even death himself could not stand me!

THEN I heard her again! (Fall to floor clutching head). Calling my name! MY NAME! She was calling my name! AHHHHHH!

I didn’t mean it! YES I did mean to kill you! NO! STOP IT! (head flip back dramatically and manic smile on lips). I wanted to taste the excitement and thrill of the case!

(Rises to feet dramatically) She never left. They never left- they were always chasing me. Like angels with chains. (Take a much darker tone or sing song voice). They will never stop coming for me. Their always lurking. Lurking in the shadows of the trees and silence. They are always watching. They are always waiting for me! They could chain me a hundred times and stab me a hundred times! Have my name written in blood upon their blade!

I WONT let them take ME!! (take dagger from side)

I would rather have my blood written on my own blade!

BLACKOUT

As you can probably gather is my monologue (updated) for Catherine Anderson Reed. She was the first character I had ever created and performed as. She was originally based on Professor Snape but later became more based on myself and the sort of criminal I would be. 

If you wish to use this or need help with any sort of script writing, please do just contact my email. Which is mollymariesnape@gmail.com  and Do not forget to follow by email to receive updates for when I have posted!

Questions I asked myself.

So...I recently found this blog called My Random Randomness. I think they are brilliant and everyone should check their blog out. However, for the purpose of this blog I have chosen what I think are the most interesting questions from 800 and decided to answer them.

The link is here ---> 800 questions

Lets start!

1) Where are you from? I am from the UK. I live in a small town called Great bealings in Suffolk. Do I like this place? No it is bloody awful. 
2)If you were the ruler of the world, what laws would you put in place? I would abolish the death penalty full stop! Then I would make sure that anyone can get married. I would make it illegal for doctors and police to not help you, based on our person. I would also make criminals profiles known to individuals who need it. I would make it illegal for anyone to be fired from a job, other than they were bad at it. 
3)Are you a good artist? I think I am okay. Here is some of my work. 

 Jim Moriarty's eye painted

 Jim Moriarty 

The Joker painted

A rough copy of Sherlock painted

Third and final attempt at this Jim Moriarty panting. 

A hummingbird I made up. 

4)Where is the furthest you have been on holiday? The furthest has to be...USA. I have family over there. In total I have been to about eight countries. 

5)What is your favourite sport? As you probably gather from my blogs I have no interest in sports. I never mention sports but here is the thing. I do like sports- especially archery. I cannot run to save my life and I cannot play football anymore. Here is another unknown fact about me- I do have football medals. 

6)If you could go back in time and change one thing about the past, what would it be? As the question does not specify if it can be my personal history or the worlds history I am going to say this- neither. I would never change my past or the worlds past. Why? Because we needed those moments to get to the point we are now at. I certainly needed points in the past to know things I know now and to be able to do the things I want to do now. So no, I would never change history. 

7)Have you had any brushes with the law? Are we talking getting taken into custody? Then cause it is a no. 

8)Have you ever done something heroic? I like to think when I met Steven in Lourdes when I was fourteen- okay basically I was volunteering for a church and left my family for two weeks and travelled by myself to France to help the elderly and sick.  I met a guy called Steven and he had down-syndrome. No one was speaking to him and he was trying to speak to the volunteers. I walk up to him and begin to speak to him. I have never forgotten how happy he was or when he grabbed me planted a kiss on my cheek and hugged me. Just from speaking to someone I made to make their day and I have never forgotten that. 

9)Have you ever played a practical joke on someone? Yes. I constantly do this. I actually told my friend Anderson at Christmas I was sending him a hundred pounds and he would need to open the card upside down. I sent the card the day before Christmas got a angry call off him. Apparently, he shook the card and was really exited because it was really heavy and he could hear stuff rattling in it. He tipped it upside down and a hella ton of buttons fell out with £.0.02p. Never have I been screamed at more in my life. 

10)What would be your best achievement so far? I have two things. One being able to actually talk to my girlfriend and ask her out. I never do anything like that! Two, making an entire audience scream in terror from a monologue. (Catherine Anderson Reed shown below). 

11)Have you ever been skinny dipping? No and I very much doubt I will. 

12)Do you prefer baths or showers? I dont know. Sometimes I am really lazy and can't be asked to stand up, so I take a bath. Other times, it is effort trying to run a bath. Depends on what mood I am in. 

13)Have you ever been in the newspaper? Yes. When I was born. My mother worked for East Anglian Times or something. I was born ten weeks premature and I should have died (my mother too). Obviously, we did not. I was 3 pounds and because of these factors I was placed in the local newspaper for Ipswich.  Also my drama group was put in the local newspaper with a picture of me and the youth committee. 

14)Have you ever fired a gun? Yes and I am not about to explain the day because for one I can't remember and two, I may add that I had a very good shot. If there is ever a zombie war- give me a bow or gun and you are safe. 

15)Have you ever tried archery? Yes. I use to make my own bows. I use to be very good but I stopped after a incident. A incident I will write about in future posts called The trails and tribulations of Molly Marie. It links to firing a gun as well. 

16)What is the longest you have gone without sleep? Three days or four. I have insomnia, so sometimes I can barely get to sleep or I do and continually wake up. 

17)Do you have any scars? Yes. I have a ton. I have a massive one under my ribs because I fell out of a tree. I have another on the back of my left hand because I got a pair of scissors stuck in my hand, when I was younger. On the same hand but on the palm, I have a scar cause I put a can on the back of my bike and it spilt my hand open. I have one long one on my index finger of my right hand because I decided I was going to colour a tin lid in permanent marker and then put back on the tin. Thus meaning it went like super glue and it came off but nearly cut my finger off. I probably should have got stitches. 

18)What did you want to be when you grew up? It was always been an actress but I went through a phase were I wanted to be a police woman and vet. 

19)If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I would like to change my thought process and emotions. This is actually in process, as I have taken a very positive spin on my life recently and I am starting to 'unlock' emotions I have turned off for years. Okay more on that later. 

20)What nicknames have you had or got? My recent nickname is Jim The Bin or Jim or Moriarty. Everyone really does call me Jim. In the past I have been called Evil Jesus or Molly Mollyness. I am also called by a person I consider family now, Moll-moo. Or as my name is Molly, I am called Moles quite a lot. 

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Cabbage VS Toilet Roll (part three of texting pranks)

So as you know I like to prank people on the chat room I am on.
Unfortunately for anyone who messaged me I asked this question:

What do you prefer cabbage or toilet roll?

One of the people, actually blocked me. 

  

This person blocked me on the chatroom. Clearly this was to big of a choice for them. 

I then asked another person on the chat room site who actually seemed to get this weirdness of mine. 

I then decided to ask my girlfriend the same question. 

She then proceeded to ask me if this was for my blog and I went; "Erm...no. *lie*" 

I then asked Anderson (the rude one) and he said this:

His answer was nothing dirty. IT WAS NOOT NOOT FROM PENGU!

So then I proceeded to ask my other friend: 

I then went to ask my other friend, who was very confused. 

I actually got a lot of answers this time around and I think it was better because...it is funnier. i then proceeded to ask my mother. 

I went back onto my snapchat and then proceeded to ask my other friend: do you prefer cabbage or toilet roll?

They first came back with this answer: 

then said this; 

I don't know why my blog is turning into a massive texting prank site but there you go, it is. See what I get up too randomly? 

So that is the end of this random blog. If you would like to ask me any questions for a future blog, then please do comment or send me an email at this address: mollymariesnape@gmail.com 

Do not forget to follow my blog by email! 

Texting prank part two

So this time I was not asking a bunch of people, do you like rubber ducks but this- why is the sky blue?

As a one off I also sent a rather disgusting text to my friend Ricky.

Should I moved onto asking Ricky about why is the sky blue? I really should not ask him these things. If you thought his answer was bad in the last texting prank, then do not look at this answer. 

I did however, ask my girlfriend this question and her reply was: (She actually replied twice but the the second one will go in at the end): 

I also asked another one of my good friends and this was their reply:

That has to be best the answer to me. I laughed when they sent this through. So then my girlfriend sent this after her first reply:

Jim Moriarty cosplay

As you know, I love cosplaying. As you may remember from my previous blog, I also very much wanted to get his blue suit.

I never ended up getting the exact blue suit but I did end up making my own. 

  For anyone who actually reads my random blog, I am going to Sherlocked Convention in September on a Saturday. 

Probably either dressed as Mycroft or fem!Moriarty. :)

 With the outfit, I decided I was going to put my corset with it. I generally have no idea why I brought a corset but oh well! It seemed to work well with this and I got quite a reaction off my Instagram. Someone told me I was 'canon for female Moriarty'. Which I was extremely proud of.

So this is my fem!Moriarty cosplay. (I am wearing red lipstick with it).

If I compare it to my other Moriarty cosplays- I have very much improved.

I literally nearly have all his outfits. (To be fair I had the sand coloured jacket and never used it. I still haven't wore this cosplay out yet)

How to be kind to someone

I have a  friend, who I recently met on the LGBT chat. Well, I did not meet them, as they live in Spain and I live in the UK. Anyhow, she is really lovely and I love learning about different cultures. She was then telling me about a book she was writing in English for a competition.
  I offered to help her and she sent me her book. It was brilliant- let me say that. I loved it. It was about a girl who could transform into a dragon.
Anyhow, I did my best and corrected her mistakes and sent it back.
  She then reads my book which is in English and then tells me she struggled to understand it.
I then go on to say: "Would you like me to write a book in Spanish for you?"
  My knowledge on language is non-existent. I failed GCSE German- with two A* on the course work and U's on the exams.
(I used google translate)
  So I wrote a introduction in Spanish.
That is how you be kind to someone, you go out of your way to make them happy. You do something for the they will like and put a smile on their face.
  I thought I would share this nice experience.

Texting prank

On this chat room I spoke about in my last blog, I decided to have some fun. Why don't I prank people?

So I decided to screen shot some of the results from asking a person if they like rubber ducks. 

Yes you did read that correctly, it does not say anything else. it just says rubber ducks. 

So when they replied I took a snap of their answer. No names are shown, for the persons sake. 

 They didn't reply for a while. SO I was concerned. 

I also decided I would ask this question to Ricky. Ricky is a person I use to send many emails too. He would get very annoyed at me. We met in High school and have been best friends ever since. I also call him Anderson from Sherlock. 

So I carried on asking random people. 

Lets move onto the next person 

I think that is enough for today before someone starts swearing at me. 

Do not forget to follow my blog and comment if you want me to ask any ore random questions to people :D 

LGBT chat room experience/review

Now...I thought it would be a good idea to log myself onto a LGBT chat room for 13+.

Half the people I have spoke to, are straight and some people were honestly surprised when I told them I was a lesbian and turned down their offer to be their girlfriend, when they are a boy. (Someone actually asked me, if I liked boys after saying I was a lesbian).

Can I put the obvious out there. Why are straight people on a LGBT form? I can understand if you are pansexual or whatever you define yourself as. But to me it makes no sense for a straight person to go on a LGBT site.

Why did I go on this site? I went on this site because I literally have no one where I live, that is LGBT. I went on to speak to LGBT people. Not straight people.

This site also, seems to have a lot of 'weirdos'. I put that term loosely.
I have morals and one of them is not sending 'pictures' to another person. I have been asked about five times to go on skype or send pictures. People have tried to pressure me into it and got annoyed when I still did not, and then blocked them.

It also made me think.

Is society really not giving a shit about the pictures people send to random people? Do people not think about that the person they are sending these images to, could in fact be posted on  site? A ton of other horrendous stuff could happen but no one seems to care!

That is just my personal view.

I was literally confused as to why I was having to come out on a LGBT site, because people kept trying to get me t be their girlfriend when they are a boy and I am not in boys.

So my overall experience of this particular chat room has not be the greatest experience. Out of bout twenty different people I have spoke to, I have managed to have one decent conversation.